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Home :: About Domestic Violence :: Safety Information :: Board
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News :: Help Us :: Links :: Violence Examples
:: Personality Signs ::
Violence Cycle :: Relationship
Quiz :: Contact Us ::
Any intentional physical, psychological or sexual attack on one partner by the other in a dating relationship. It includes: boyfriend, girlfriend.
The use of abusive and violent behavior among people who are married or living together. It includes: siblings, children, elders, or other family members.
Listed below are behaviors that are generally seen in a person who chooses to batter. If the individual has several of the behaviors (generally three or more), there is a strong potential for physical violence.
At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that his jealousy is a sign of love. JEALOUSY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE. It is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. He will question the woman about who she talks to, accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of time she spends with her family and friends. He may call frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may refuse to let her work for fear she will meet someone else. He may also exhibit strange behaviors such as checking her car mileage or asking friends to watch her.
At first, the batterer will say that his behavior is because he is concerned with the woman's safety, her need to use time well, or her need to make good decisions. He will become angry if the woman is late coming back from the store or an appointment; he will question her closely about where she went, to whom she spoke with, etc. As the behavior intensifies, he may not let the woman make personal decisions about the house, her clothing, or even going to church. He may keep all of the money or even make her ask permission to leave her room or the house.
Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they became engaged or moved in together. He comes on like whirlwind, claiming, "Love at first sight," and he will tell the woman flattering comments such as, "you are the only person I could ever talk to" or "I have never felt loved like this by anyone." He needs someone desperately, and will pressure the woman to commit to him.
He is very dependent on the woman for all his needs. He expects her to be the perfect wife, mother, lover and friend. He will say things such as, "If you love me, I'm all that you need and you're all that I need." She is supposed to take care of everything for him emotionally in the home.
The man tries to cut the woman off from all other resources. If she has male friends, she is a "whore." If she has women friends; she is a "lesbian". If she is close to her family, she is, "tied to apron strings." He accuses people who are her supports of "causing trouble." He may want to live without a phone or internet access. He may not let her use the car or may try to keep her from working or going to school.
He may make mistakes then blame the woman for upsetting him and causing him to do so. Example: If he is chronically unemployed, someone else has done him wrong and they are "out to get him." May tell the woman she upset him and caused him to mess up at his job. He will tell the woman she is at fault for almost anything that goes wrong.
He will tell the woman, "you make me mad," "you're hurting me by not doing as I ask," "I can't help being angry," etc. He really makes the decision about what he thinks and feels, but will use feelings to manipulate the woman.
The man is easily insulted. He claims his feelings are "hurt" when he is really very mad, or he takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. He will rant and rave about the injustice of things that have happened to him; things that are really just part of living-being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, or being asked to help with chores.
The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain and suffering. The abuser may expect children to do things way beyond their ability or tease them until they cry.
The abuser may like to throw you down and hold you down during sex, or act out fantasies where you are helpless. The abuser may start to have sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex while you are ill, tired, or right after an assault.
In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, verbal abuse can be seen in instances where the man is degrading the woman, cursing at her, or by running down her accomplishments. The man will tell her that she is stupid and unable to function without him. This may involve waking her up to verbally abuse her or by not letting her go to sleep.
In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, verbal abuse can be seen in instances where the man is degrading the woman, cursing at her, or by running down her accomplishments. The man will tell her that she is stupid and unable to function without him. This may involve waking her up to verbally abuse her or by not letting her go to sleep.
Many women are confused by their abuser's "sudden" changes in mood. They will describe that one-minute he is nice and the next minute he explodes or he is happy and then all of a sudden, he is sad. This does not indicate a special "mental problem" or that he is "crazy." Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of men who beat their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics, such as hypersensitivity.
The men SAY they have hit women in the past, BUT the woman made him do it. The woman may hear from relatives or ex-spouses that the man is abusive. A batterer WILL beat any woman he is with; situational circumstances do not make a person have an abusive personality.
This includes any threat of physical force meant to control the woman. Threats can include: "I'll slap your mouth off!" or "I'll break your neck!" Most men do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will try to excuse this behavior by saying, "everybody talks like that."
This behavior is used as a punishment ( ex. breaking loved possession), but is mostly used to terrorize the woman into submission. The man may beat on tables with his fist or throw objects around or at the woman. Again, this is a very remarkable behavior; only immature people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten them.
This may involve a man holding a woman down, physically restraining her from leaving the room, or shoving her. The many may hold the woman against a wall and threaten, "You are going to listen to me!"
If you checked even one, you may be in an abusive relationship. If you need to talk, call us.
Computer use can be monitored and it is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer, call your local hotline, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
